I Can Explain… Everything Else

Personally, it’s been one hell of a week. On Monday, March 9, I was offered a job in Toronto as a Coordinator for the MS Society, which starts Wednesday, March 18. So this entire week has been a jumble of goodbyes, talks, and preparations. It’s been a roller coaster ride to say the least. To save some time, and to put everything into perspective, this week’s I Can Explain is a little different. Usually I choose one topic and delve into its history and significance. But this week, I’ve selected several quotes from my Facebook wall in which… I can explain… everything else:

  • On Success: You’re not locked out unless you’re trying to get in.
  • On Glee: The band on Glee is called New Directions… is it supposed to sound like Nude Erections?
  • On his relationships: I did a four year BA and dated a girl for 4 years. Then I did a one year MA and saw a girl for 10 months… based on this pattern, if I ever want to get married, I may have to become a professor!
  • On Casablanca: People often debate why Ingrid Bergman chose Paul Henreid over Humphry Bogart. I kind of felt like Ingrid played a wishy washy jerk that leads both men on and they deserved better. So I liked the ending. Bogart puts her on the plane and then hangs out with his buddy.
  • On nudists: Can nudists be strippers? These are the things I think about…
  • On hobbies: In an interview with Esquire, Robert Duvall said: “A young actor once asked me, ‘What do you do between jobs?’ I said, Hobbies, hobbies, and more hobbies. It keeps you off dope.” I think we all have those days where we just need to keep going.
  • On teeth whitener: I tried teeth whitening strips today and I can only assume they taste about the same as the drain in a male locker room… funky.
  • On passion: It’s kind of like love. It has no purpose. It has no reason. It can not be explained. You can not tell what it is or describe it in detail. All you know is the fact that without it your life would be a little emptier and that with it your life is complete.
  • On difficulties: Life’s crap comes in piles.
  • On blood donation: I donated a pint of blood in less than 6 minutes.  I think if I was shot, I’d squirt like I was in a Quintin Tarintino movie.
  • On the election: On election day, I was running a polling station. My favourite elector was a little old woman in a wheelchair. She took her ballot, shrugged, and said, “I guess its time to go with ‘eeiney meeny miney mo!’”
  • On palm reading: I had my palm read yesterday and was told my love line is very short, my wealth line is very faint, and my friendship line was wide and shallow (suggesting I’d have a lot of friends, but would never really let them in). Let’s hope palm reading is wrong.
  • On relaxation: I may be a child, but I’m going to spend my Tuesday evening with a rootbeer float in a bubble bath while listening to raunchy Kevin smith humour.

Check back in two weeks for more I Can Explain!

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